Refocus...

I think personally I get too wound up in life if I'm not careful. I get too busy with the unimportant and forget what matters most. Last night I was reading a general conference talk given this last October by President Uchtdorf. He talked about not getting caught up in the thick of life and the importance of remembering what matters most. He said,

"As we evaluate our own lives with a willing mind, we will see where we have drifted from the more excellent way. The eyes of our understanding will be opened, and we will recognize what needs to be done to purify our hear and refocus our life."

It's time for me to refocus and stay on target.

Just Walk Away...

Yesterday in class we talked about the different ways that we manage conflict. I was in the avoiders group. My reasoning for being an avoider most of the time is that most argument's aren't worth the breath. For example - over the break we had family pictures taken. And me and my mom were not happy about how they turned out for various reasons. We kept talking about what went wrong and why we thought they didn't do a good job at all. Well, my sister Jenny was right there and I said something in particular and she just snapped at me and bit my head off about it. I said, "Fine, I'll just shut up." And then got up and left. It wasn't worth the argument. I was still mad about it, but it wasn't worth the breath to make it into a huge fight. Sometimes it just best to avoid.

Slipping

I have to admit I've been letting it slip with Holly lately. It's just so hard because our lives are so busy and we live so far away from each other. The break was good though. We were able to spend some time together but not as much as we would have liked. It's hard to strengthen a relationship with someone when you can see yourself moving in a completely different direction from them...

In Common...

I don't know if I mentioned before but me and Breanne used to live together... I think I did. Remember that happen chance thingie? Anyways. I miss having my friend in the room next to mine. One thing that we used to do together is watch the Big Bang Theory. It's a tv show on CBS. It's so funny! I think I like it particularly because you have to think to keep up with the dialogue. Anyways. We don't do that as much as we used to. Over Thanksgiving break I got a text from Breanne saying she'd bought Big Bang Theory season 3 for me! I was so excited! I have such a great friend who thinks of me when Black Friday shopping at 3 in the morning.

Gap

No, not that kind of gap. I'm talking right now about a "generation gap."

I've never felt this way until now with me and my family. There is obviously a generation gap between me and my parents... but now I am realizing there has become a significant one between me and my sibling. I am at a completely different place in my life than them. Before we start talking about this you really should understand that I am in no way implying that I love my family less... I've just come to realize a few important things.

First of all, since there is a 7 year age difference between me and my closest sibling, Holly, I feel that I've had to grow up a lot faster than those of whom are my own age. I learned to have adult conversations at a very young age and therefore that's why I think I get along with older people better. Therefore I feel kind of stuck in the middle.

Two, I feel like I missed out then, and now I'm missing out now. When I was younger, I was never "old enough" to do the things my older brothers and sisters were doing. And now that I am well old enough... they all have grown out of it and have kids now. Our world revolved around them. Again, not a bad thing. Just... different. For example when we go to the Gateway Mall in SLC it doesn't necessarily mean shopping, it means the Children's Museum for 2 1/2 hours. I was able to sneak out for about 45 minutes with my mom to get some new jeans... but we had to hurry back because the kids were all getting hungry and cranky...

Three, they don't seem excited and enthusiastic about change and going out to see the world anymore. They are all settling. In Utah, mind you. Both my sisters and one of my brothers already live here. Riley was the last hold out but now he's moving to Ogden area to manage a Kneaders Bakery and Cafe. He said he's done with his adventure in Las Vegas and ready to settle in a more "domestic" area. Me? Well... it's in my plans to be moving back to NYC sometime in the near future. Guess what everyones responses were.... Why would you want to move away from your family??? Which I understand. They are all settling. They are all 28 and older. Me..... I'm 21. Just starting out. They've almost made me feel guilty for having this desire. I've thought about it a lot lately and you know? I think I'd like to get married sometime soon and start a family, but I really don't see it in the cards for me anytime soon. So my question is why sit around waiting and not be progressing and out experiencing life. I think they kind of expect me to stick around waiting on my front porch for prince charming to come along. Not gonna happen.

Ok, I'm done. It's the gap. It's always been there, just not as prominent. And it will continue to be there in my life until ALL of our kids are out of the house. So I'll deal with it. Because I love my family... and I have no choice.... :)

Sisters and Pizza

Well I made it to Utah safely. I beat the snowstorm so fast that I decided to stop in Ogden where my family were all at my cousin's wedding reception. So I decided to stop. Luckily I had a dress, heels, and tights handy so I was able to quickly change in the bathroom. I was so excited to see everyone and spent a lot of the reception hanging out with my sisters Holly and Jenny. Jenny ended up sending her kids home early with her husband Jason and after the reception just us sisters went out for pizza. (Mind you at about 10:00 pm) We had so much fun. I don't remember the last time just the three of us were able to sit down and spend time together without kids. I really wished I could spend more time with these girls. I love my sisters dearly and want to be closer to them. This was the start to an "improve the relationship" week with both of them, but especially Holly.

My Great Thanksgiving...

If I were to write a list of everything I was thankful for, it would be infinite. I love this time of year. It's a great time set aside to be able to reflect and appreciate everything we have been blessed with in life. A couple years ago I was home on break with all my family at Thanksgiving, and I found this scripture. It has become my official Thanksgiving time scripture.

Alma 26: 35-37

35 Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all ^apower, ^ball wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a ^cmerciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name.

36 Now if this is ^aboasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a ^bbranch of the tree of Israel, and has been ^clost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, ^dwanderers in a strange land.

37 Now my brethren, we see that God is ^amindful of every ^bpeople, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.

There are so many things we should be grateful for in this life, but especially we need to be grateful for and remember our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They watch over and bless us daily with numerous wonderful things. We need to remember that he knows each one of us and is mindful of our needs. (I really need reminding of this a lot of the time.) He understands EVERYTHING and we have reason to rejoice in him and be grateful.

I have especially been grateful in this last year as far as my career and schooling goes. I have managed a 3.8 gpa the last two semesters, I have been blessed with a wonderful job on campus, I had a spectacular internship this last summer where I made tons of friends and learned a lot, I was able to go to NYC and visit companies and make contacts, and I am currently up for an internship position back there with the LDS Public Affairs office. (Lets pray I get it.) These honestly, are small compared to everything else I and my family have been blessed with this last year. As I said before and I'll say again... big changes are to come. Come what may and love it. Be grateful. He know's what's best and everything will turn out how it's supposed to.

A change in the wind...

It's been an interesting morning. And I don't know quite how to take it. While at work today I got an email from LDS Public Affairs located in Manhattan, NY requesting my availability for a phone interview tomorrow. TALK ABOUT BLIND SIGHTED!!!!!! All I did was drop off a resume when we visited there last week. I was so completely shocked. My parents have told me before that they would help me go to NYC for an internship if it was paid.... this one is unpaid. But if I were offered all the internships in NYC and money wasn't an issue, I would pick LDS Public Affairs. So, it just so happened that my parents would be coming up on campus 30 minutes after this "change in the wind." I went and sat them down and talked it out with them. I don't know the details for sure, but I think this interview is for an internship starting in January. So I made my argument. I would defer from school this next semester and use the money I would have used for tuition to live in NYC for 3 months (if i get the internship). I would then come back and work for Canfield the next summer and earn money for the next school year. My parents approved. I have an interview with LDS Public Affairs tomorrow at 2:30 p.m. Wish me luck.

Personal Success and Realization...

(This post is going to be a combination of several things... but please bear with me)

But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction.

My parents came into town last night and after we went to dinner. My dad went back to their hotel and I was able to spend some time with my mom. She did the typical mom thing and took me to the store to get groceries and some Christmas decorations for my pathetically decorated tree. She then took me up and dropped me off on campus so I could work on homework until the buildings closed. We got to talking on the way up about trials people have gone through in their lives. I have to tell you now, my mom has seen me through a lot over the years. I've dealt with a lot of conflict in my life and have been hurt by a lot of people I thought I could trust. My mom has seen me through it all. She's cried with me. She's let me yell when frustrated. But we both came to a realization last night. We are grateful for our trials. And because we have stuck with the Lord and trusted in him, we have become better people and have learned how to handle conflict better.

My mom reminded me last night that I am in a really good place in my life right now. And it's completely true I realized. Usually during each semester I am in conflict with one roommate or the other. I'm usually angry and frustrated and really wound up about life in general. But I've learned, it doesn't hurt anything for me to just stay out of it. I feel like I'm a well liked person and I have a lot of friends. And that makes me feel great about myself! I've learned to cool it and not get so wound up about school. Last Winter was the worst.... you could ask anyone. But this semester I am just as busy, or even more, and I am having a great time. I've taken a chill pill so to speak.

This class has been such a help in making me realize what kind of person I am and what my needs are in order to be happy. My first color is red, and my secondary is white. And I think I'm beginning to find a good balance between the two. I have no problem confronting people about problems. I'm confident when I speak can keep a clear head. But at the same time, I really hate conflict. In my experience. NO GOOD COMES FROM IT!!!! Trust me on that. That's where my white comes into play. I really do treasure a peaceful life. While I can stand up for myself and argue a point, I'd rather not because I know it really won't do anyone any good.

So let me revert back to the scripture... "But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction."

If I had to pick one important lesson that I've learned in my life so far, it would be this. Throughout everything I've been through in the last four years, I've put my trust in him, and my mom for that matter, and have kept with the church. Now, I'm not saying I've been perfect throughout everything. I have soooooo not been. I've made so many mistakes, but what's important is that I've learned from them. But as I look back over this last year especially, I've been so blessed in my life. And I know with out a doubt that's because of how I reacted to the trials in my life. I am grateful for my trials.

Yeah... Woops...

I'm going to admit right now. Up front. Not even lie. I've kind of let the "not so good" fall off the cliff - in a sense (not literally). But I haven't talked to my sister Holly for a couple weeks. And what can I say? Life kinda just happens and things get crazy sometimes. School has just been crazy these last three weeks. But I am looking forward to a well deserved break and time with my family. I WILL be picking up the slack next week with Holly. I promise. BEST of friends. :)

Decisions... come what may...

So, I knew before I got back from New York, I would have to be making some pretty important decisions when I did get back. The question? Is New York the place for me. I have no idea. I've been praying about it but He seems to not want to give me an answer yet. So this is my strategy. I'm going to work hard to get there, and if I do? Great! If not, then it wasn't meant to be. Yesterday I spent two hours writing follow up emails and thank you's to the trip. I've already had one reply back from a lady that she would be happy to consider me for their internship program. So this is a good sign. It's going to be a huge sacrifice moving there. But why not? While I'm young, single, and vibrant. :)

Personal Space...

For my assignment while in NYC, Sister McKenna asked me to observe the people of Manhattan and their behaviors. Before I went, I just figured that New Yorkers were snobby, busy people. While they are busy, most of them are definitely not snobby. The fact is, Manhattan is the most highly concentrated location in all of the US. You literally have people living on top of each other. And they do what they can to have some kind of personal space. One thing I noticed is that on the Subway, you're packed in like sardines most of the time. You could be sitting with someone elses gut right in your face! Then once they exit the Subway, they plow down the street hurrying to their next destination and honestly? You better not get in their way. No apologies are made when you bump into each other. It's just what happens. But more than once on our trip. Someone would notice if we were confused about where we were going next. At least one person would stop and offer directions to us poor country folk. And if you asked for directions? Even more than happy to help out. New Yorkers are a fast paced, career driven species. But very willing to help out with anything you may need.

These lights will inspire you...

I've always wanted to move to NYC. For the last year that has been my goal. Do all I can to get to this amazing city. But lately, I haven't been feelin' it much. I feel like there's something else I should be doing. But I don't know quite yet. I started getting this after I was accepted to the New York trip. So I figured that I'd go, work hard to get everything I could out of the experience, and then evaluate how I felt after the fact. I'm still not feeling it. And I don't know what to do. Cause that's what I've worked for these past 2 years, and that's where I'm heading. It's not a bad thing. I just realized I'd be completely on my own in NYC. Which would be fine, but I'd miss my family dearly. And NYC is a work hard city. Which again, not bad. But I don't want to work Saturdays. I'm a 9-5 type of girl and don't want to worry about things on the weekend. That's what I liked so much about my job/internship this summer. I worked during the week, the evenings and weekends I didn't even have to think about work projects. So my solution? Come what may - and love the heck out of it!

These streets will make you feel brand new...

Marissa and Jared at the Stardust Diner

Marissa on the red stairs in Time Square

Well I'm back from four beautiful days in New York City! It was a such a memorable experience to go around the city and meet with Advertising and Public Relations professionals in the industry. I couldn't have done it on my own. The companies we went to were Fusion PR, JWT, Razorfish, LDS Public Affairs, Young & Rubicam, Time Inc., Pen American, Coltrin & Associates, Edelman, and McGarry Bowen. The interesting thing about New York City is that I don't think you could ever be bored. There is always something to do or see. Free things even. The streets are alive with all sorts of different people and nothing is out of the ordinary in New York. You could walk down the street in a tutu and people would say - "Good for you!!" All in all it was an experience of a lifetime. It helped me realize some things about myself that I didn't know before.

Constant Change

Me and my sibling February 2002

This is going to be a long post...

This last week's topic in class was about relationships. We focused a lot in class about romantic relationships, but I remember reading in the chapter about adapting to inevitable changes in relationships. The strongest relationship that I have and will always have is that with my family. I love them so dearly and can't imagine not being able to talk to them every week. But the fact is, we have gone through a lot of changes these past few years, and this next year... even more. I was talking to my brother Riley the other day about this and everything that is going to happen. So lets list them...

1. This next year is my dad's last year for running our apple and cherry orchards. He is retiring.

2. My parents are putting their house and shop up for sale. Within a year I will no longer be able to sleep in the room I have ever since I was a baby.

3. After living and working in Las Vegas for 7 years, my brother Riley will be moving his family to the Ogden, Utah area because they are investing in and managing a Kneaders sandwich shop.

3. My brother Tyson is also looking into the Kneaders sandwich shop and if this happens for him it will bring his little family out of the desolation they experienced a couple years ago. (Losing his job and relocating to Utah within a month)

4. Me and Riley suspect there will be two new babies coming into our family within the next year - My sister Jenny and her husband and Tyson and his wife.

5. I will be moving to NYC next summer if all goes well next week. Headed on a new adventure that no one in my family has ever attempted before.

Relationships are in constant change and as you can see there will be a lot of things changing this next year. It will be an emotional time especially since my dad is selling our fruit farm after 25 years.

A friend in need...

It always makes you feel good when you help a friend in need. But thats not why we should do it. We should do it because we care and we want what's best for them. Breanne is graduating this semester and has been having a hard time lately. It's been really hitting her that her life is starting and she has some very important decisions ahead of her. So what did I do? Well I did what any good friend would, we went out for ice cream! I let her talk it out and was her sounding board for her frustrations and thought about what she should do. She felt better afterwards and I was glad that I could help a true friend in need.

A Beautiful Thing...

This city, is a beautiful thing. It's the city of dreams. The lights will inspire you. And I have always wanted to be a part of it. A couple years ago I was able to visit New York City with my mom for my senior trip. We shopped, saw the sites, and had a lot of fun. Well, next Tuesday I'm going again, but to find a job. I am so excited! I am living my dream and am seizing the opportunity to do so.

A Stumbling Block, or a Stepping-Stone

Isn't it strange how princes and kings,
and clowns that caper in sawdust rings,
and common people, like you and me,
are builders for eternity?

Each is given a list of rules;
a shapeless mass; a bag of tools.
And each must fashion, ere life is flown,
A stumbling block, or a Stepping-Stone.

I love this poem because it's completely true. It's our choice and no one elses of how we take life. We either can make something of it, or we can whine and complain that everything is so hard. We are all given the same tools as everyone around us. It doesn't matter our station in life. We all have difficulties whether we be rich and famous or plain and simple.

We care

I worry about Holly a lot. I know she isn't happy with her life and she thinks she has the best that she could right now. It's not true. My sister Jenny gets to talk to her more than I and we both worry that she is in a relationship she feels she is stuck in. (She lived with her boyfriend for two years then finally got married a year ago. He's kind of a bum and lives to hunt.) We love her and care for her and I hope she knows our family is ready to help her whenever she needs it.

Fear not...

Doctrine and Covenants 6:36... "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."

I love this scripture and it made me relate to the concept of bungee jumping. Jumping into the unknown is a lot like having faith that when you bungee jump, the cord with snap you up and save you from falling to your death. In that way we need to have faith to take chances we normally wouldn't and believe that the Lord will take care of us if we confide in him everything we do and trust in him that everything will be ok.

Do you even know my name?

Today in class we took an opinion poll on what to do and what not to do and who should do what in dating. From recent experience I thought of the question... Should someone know your name before they ask you out? hahahhahahahahahha I think the answer should be yes... But if they do it in a charming way... they have the chance to redeem themselves later. Brennan didn't know my name before he asked me out on Friday. And he apologized for it over and over again. I thought it was funny. The date went really well so he made up for it.

Hammer to Head

Could someone hit me over the head with one of these? I am soooo stressed right now. I'll get over it in about 20 minutes though don't worry. Here are reasons why and they are all sadly a result of something amazing that will be happening next week.

Reason 1: I am getting sick... fighting a cold with all my might

Reason 2: Lots of school work to do

Reason 3: I hate when I don't hear from certain people.... it's stressful (this has nothing to do with the amazing something)

Reason 4: Lots of school work to do

All are a result of: Going to NYC for a week to meet companies!!!

Ok so it's a good thing. But it's really wearing on me right now. I'm working on it. But sometimes I wish someone would just hit me over the head with a hammer...

Models of Relational Development

In comparing my relationship with Breanne to the relational maintenance model, I would say that we're at the bonding part. We're really good friends and have no problem telling the other what we think. We really enjoy spending time together and expect to go to the gym every day together. (That's where I'm headed in a minute.) We know and appreciate each other for what we are and respect the others space.