Saturday, October 30, 2010

Something happened on the way to class...

Something weird happened before class on Friday. To put it in short - I got asked out on a date. The funny thing? The guy didn't know my name. Ok but lets start at the beginning...

I was walking down the hallway when I hear someone behind me say...

Guy: Hey! You're the one who scheduled the conference room for me yesterday right?

(I turn around) Me: Yeah...

Guy: Well, I was wondering... I never do this... but do you maybe want to go to the Halloween Concert tonight? Like on a date?

Me: Yeah, sure!

Guy: Really? I'm really sorry that was rude of me. I don't even know your name!

Me: It's Marissa

*Fast forward about 10 hours... He just picked me up and we are walking out to his car...

Guy: Now, first of all. I just have to apologize for earlier in the Spori. I was very rude when I asked you out. I can't believe I didn't even ask your name first.

** All in all, Friday was a very interesting day. And I had a very good time on the date! We went to the Halloween Concert then Dairy Queen to get ice cream afterwards. Want to know who the guy was....? Brother Bean's son.... Brennan.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Living in the moment...


D&C 84: 82-85 -

82 For, aconsider the blilies of the field, how they grow, they toil not, neither do they spin; and the kingdoms of the world, in all their glory, are not arrayed like one of these.
83 For your aFather, who is in heaven, bknoweth that you have need of all these things.
84 Therefore, let the morrow take athought for the things of itself.
85 Neither take ye thought beforehand awhat ye shall say; but btreasure up in your minds continually the words of life, and it shall be cgiven you in the very hour that portion that shall be meted unto every man.

*This is my favorite scripture. And I love it because it reminds me to get not so uptight about life and worry about the future. Rather live in the moment. Don't get stuck on the things that aren't important. If you live for the future, you will miss today - live for TODAY.

Monday, October 25, 2010

The end is near...


This is my 5th semester here at BYU-Idaho, and honestly - I don't have that much left. To be exact? 3 semesters. Soooo scary.... But I'm excited. I'm on my way out. But that means checking out Grad school now. I'm looking into Boston University or Columbia University. I'd like to think I could get into somewhere big, but who knows. Anyways! Super stoked - super excited!

Communication Day - Jeff Benedict

I was able to go listen to Jeff Benedict in one of the breakout sessions today. He has done some amazing things and I was really impressed with the magnitude of his success. He brought up some really good points that I’d like to touch on and add my own thoughts.

The first thing he said that really hit me was, “you never know when you’re going to get an opportunity to do something you’ve always wanted…” I think a lot of the success and opportunities in the world are lucky chances, but those lucky chances come about with hard work, effort, and awareness of those lucky chances. If we aren’t looking for the opportunities and taking chances, most likely we will miss them. Brother Benedict really impressed me in when he said that he had no shame in what work he did when he was younger. Don’t be proud, he said. Staple papers, run copies, clean toilets – do whatever you have to do to get where you want to be.

The next point that he brought up was to be grateful that you didn’t get what you so badly wanted then. I know I need to be more grateful for the learning curves life has thrown at me. And I am – I’ve learned a lot and have come a long ways in my short life. But I tend to think on the past and wonder about the things I have missed out on. But I don’t need to – I am an A student at a wonderful university, I have loving and supportive parents, I am working two jobs while here at school, I work contract for the company I interned for this summer, I work on campus in close association to some of the most brilliant minds on campus, I am on a fast track to a great career, I have so many great things to be grateful for – and most are as a result of learning curves in my life.

Brother Benedict also mentioned in his presentation that what we think about and do in our idle time is a predictor of where we will end up in the future. I really need to be more productive with my idle time. I’ve had a lot this week because the workload has been light, but I could be doing other things with my time rather than watching movies… I could be developing my talents in writing, music, art, or even just reading up on the world and becoming more aware of what is going on around me. I could be using my time to develop myself more spiritually by reading the scriptures, or serving others. There is so much more that I could be doing with my idle time.

Jeff Benedict was well worth my time to go listen to his presentation. What he had to say was so inspiring and really made me want to become a more focused, goal oriented individual (I know… more than I already am…) There is so much more I could be doing to make the world a better place and to better myself. There are endless opportunities out there for me, it’s just a matter of being aware.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Nonverbal Communication

Sister McKenna asked us to write in our portfolio about two types of nonverbal communication - more specifically one we are good at and one we aren't so good at.

Friendly

I think in general I am a happy person. I always try to smile and be friendly towards others. (Of course there is always the exception of the really bad days...) I think I'm good at giving friendly smiles and letting people know I'm easy to talk to. I try to have an open posture and not walk around with my arms folded across my chest. I stand up straight and like to look people in the eye. I think this shows someone that you genuinely care and want to talk to them.

Wonder Woman

I think this in particular is a definitely flaw of mine as far as nonverbal communication goes. My friendly behavior doesn't always come across in the way I mean it. I like to be doing at least 3 things at once. Honest to goodness, I'm not lying. I feel like I have to be Wonder Woman. And I think this nonverbal behavior comes across as if I don't care or am "too busy" to talk to someone. But the truth is, I can be watching TV, working on homework, chatting with friends online, and talking to my mom on the phone all at once. (This drives her crazy, as I think it does a lot of people.) I have been trying to slow down my life and focus on one thing at once, but it's still a work in progress.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

What I should and what I want...

I've been arguing with myself lately on what I want to do with my life. The truth is... I feel like I really need a break and just have some fun. I want to travel and see things! I want to experience the world. Right now, I'm headed towards this....


... Career Woman... I'm not fully convinced that's what I want to do.... This is what I want to be doing....


... Traveling Woman... seeing the world.... taking beautiful pictures... discovering new things... My problem is.... Everyone expects woman #1 out of me, and I want to be woman #2.... so what to do?

Personal Space...

Personal space is something that I... sacredly value... Today during class, we were assigned different social rules to blow out of proportion and record peoples reactions. It really is interesting to see how we get protective of our personal space. Me and a couple other girls went over and sat by this kid who was by himself in the crossroads and started talking about midterms. We tried to bring him into the conversation - he gave short answers but he gave us this look that was like.... go away, NOW!

Monday, October 18, 2010

For Granted...


Yesterday I was able to go visiting teaching. My partner prepared a lesson on temples and how it is such a blessing to have a temple so close. Now, I could make the excuse that I am crazy busy and there is no convenient time for me to go serve the Lord, but that is not entirely true. While I am busy, I just simply take for granted of the fact that I have two temples close by - one within two minutes, and the other with in 25 minutes. These temples are sacred, beautiful places where we can do work and serve the Lord. I always feel so much better when I go and want that feeling of the Spirit to be forever with me afterwards.

Girl time.


Breanne was so kind to go help me with taking portraits for my photo class yesterday. She is such a great friend and I appreciate everything she does. Yesterday we had a great day doing what girls do best. Giggling. Breanne came over later and we watched Peter Pan. You know... that newer one with the very attractive young kid in it. Oh goodness I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. It definitely was a great way to start the week! I can always count on her to make my day brighter.

Breakthrough...

I think me and my sister Holly had a breakthrough this weekend.... Saturday I got back from the store and was so tired so I took a nap. In the middle of my nap I was woken up by that annoying, ringing phone. It was Holly. I don't remember the last time she called just to chat. We talked for 30 minutes! It was so great and it made me miss her even more. She was on her way to the store and needed someone to talk to. I wish we lived closer. I think we could both use that constant support in our life.

What makes me happy...

A lot of the time I think, I know, I make life out to be more complicated than it needs to be. I get going so fast that I forget to stop and ask myself what makes ME happy. Well what does make me happy.... there are a lot of things. But in the secular sense, I love taking pictures - especially of people. I love capturing a moment in time that will never be repeated again. It's a funny thing with taking pictures though... people always gripe and complain when you're taking them, but afterwards the really appreciate it... (at least that's what my family does) If i could quit school and take pictures for the rest of my life and make a good living, I would... and maybe I will.... (not really but it's fun to think about)


This photo as taken by me, of me, in a reflection of a mirror.


My roommate took this picture but I did the editing.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

My Sister...


So this is my sister Holly. Beautiful, gorgeous, amazing. I love her. I want to be a more giving person like her. She is also the person who I am trying to better my communication with. This week I've taken to asking how she's doing every day. I think this shows her better how much I care for and love her. I also wrote her a thank you note (for my birthday) and thanking her for being wonderful. She deserves more than she gives herself credit for.

Wednesday!


This week has been going pretty good. My mood has been pretty stable and I've been able to keep up on my homework very well. And it's WEDNESDAY! Over the hump - two days left. Then WEEKEND! It makes me happy.

Misunderstandings...


It's amazing how often misunderstandings happen in conversations. And it is happening more and more frequently these days because of technology. What ever happened to face to face conversations? Relationships can be seriously damaged because conversations that should have taken place in person ended up happening over instant messaging or even text messaging. The importance of communication is diminishing and misunderstandings because of poor communication are happening more often.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Gossip - the ultimate poison.



Today in class, I mentioned a very personal experience about an extended family member talking behind my back. It was the most horrible and scarring experience in my life. Not just that, but all the events going along with it. It wasn't just her - it was a lot of the ladies in my home ward. I don't think people understand the damage that does to someone's soul. I was broken, for a very long time. And I am still sensitive to the subject. I've worked through it and have learned a lot. Honestly, I still have a hard time forgiving some of those people - especially her. But I think Heavenly Father understands I am doing my best.

Embarrassing moment...


I really should have a shirt with this sign on it. I have a serious tripping hazard. I at least have 3 casualties a semester. And today while walking out of the Spori building, I had my first. It really taught me I shouldn't text and walk down stairs at the same time. I thought I was at the last step, but I wasn't. I completely missed the last step and fell down the stairs. EMBARRASSING! There was a young man behind me saying, "Are you okay? Are you okay?" All I could say was, "It happens all the time." Which is true. I used to be really embarrassed about these kind of things and hang on to them forever. But now I just laugh. Even though my knee is swollen and it hurts to walk, I can laugh at myself.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Making the good count


For the spiritual part of this portfolio, I've been doing journal entries for this part of the portfolio in a separate journal. For me, my relationship with Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father is a very private and personal thing. But I did want to write a little bit of my thoughts on this.

In my life, I've had my own fair share of struggles. Sometimes it seems like more than. But I've also had many many triumphs. And I think no matter what happens in life, we should make the good count for more than the bad, no matter what. (Just a side note, I am surely not always this positive... It's just a good day.)

For me it doesn't matter any more that I didn't go to prom in high school, or that I was talked about behind my back a lot, or even that I really haven't dated that much here at college. It all still hurts, I just try to not let myself get hung up on this. What matters most is that I have a wonderful family, that I get to attend this University, I have parent's that support me in what I do, I get to go to New York City in 29 days, I have the fullness of the gospel in my life, and I have a Savior and Heavenly Father who love me, who are looking out for me, and who want me to succeed.

The truth is, I have everything going for me, and I owe it all to Him. He asks me to do simple things like reading scriptures, saying prayers, serving others, and in turn he gives me great joy. I have faith in Him and want to do what is right. I still struggle every day, and I think I always will. But life isn't about focusing on the bad things, it's about stringing all the little things together and making them count for more than the bad. I pray so hard every day for happiness in my life, and he dearly blesses me with more than I deserve.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Recognizing Emotions

Keep a three-day record of your feelings (this can be in your Portfolio). You can do this by spending a few minutes each evening recalling what emotions you felt during the day, what other people were involved, and the circumstances in which the emotions occurred.

Feeling Diary:

Day One: Feeling pretty good today. It's been rainy so that kind of puts a damper on things. I was able to go to my first meeting for the New York trip today. I'm feeling overwhelmed with school today and I'm frustrated with my roommates. I'd like to blame them but I don't think I can.

Day Two: Feeling better today! I got to see my parents and plus it's Friday! I was able to talk to my sister today and then me and my parent's went to The Social Network. It was a very well done and inspiring movie.

Day Three: Today has been a mildly good day. I woke up this morning and went to the sand dunes to take pictures for my class. I've been working on homework all day and watching tv. Hopefully something more exciting will happen later.

At the end of the three-day period you can understand the role that emotions play in your communication by answering the following questions.

1. How did you recognize the emotions you felt: through physicological stimuli, nonverbal behaviors or cognitive processes?

I think my process is mostly cognitive. I have a lot of stomach flipping whenever I'm upset or really excited. A lot of my internal physical reactions are the same for both situations.

2. What emotions do you have most often? Are they primary or mixed? Mild or intense? Are any of them "debilitative" emotions? Are they based on irrational thinking?

They are mostly mild. I am happy a lot but I don't get really excited. And when I am sad it's usually mildly, but then there are the cases when I am really upset - which results in stomach aches and headaches. I think some of my emotions could be debilitative - usually when I get really upset I just need to sleep it off or do something else to forget about it for a while - like talking to a friend. But I can't do homework usually when I'm upset. Some of them could be based on irrational thinking. I know I overreact sometimes and blow things out of proportion, but I'm getting better.

3. In what circumstances do you or don't you show your feelings? What factors influence your decision to show or not show your feelings? The situation, people, and subject involved? Do you repeatedly use any of the "fallacies" described in the book?

I tend not to want to show emotion at all. When I'm around people I don't trust or don't know, I won't show emotion. But when it's with people I really trust, there are only a select few (don't take it personal) I will tell how I'm feeling and express my frustrations. I think this is mostly with when I am angry about something. Otherwise when I'm excited I'll share it with more people, but again not with everyone. I think the fallacy I use the most is the Fallacy of Perfection. I don't like to show weakness myself and I like to know how to do things right - as should everyone else. I have really high expectations for myself, some of which I know are probably too high, but that's how I get things done. I push myself to the limit and sometimes over the edge.

4. What are the consequences of the type of communicating you described? Are you satisfied with these consequences? If not, what can you do to become more satisfied?

I think people think I am a snob sometimes. I don't talk a lot, I don't express emotion openly, I don't trust easily, and I work hard to get really good grades - those are the facts. I can be open and friendly, but I choose to be quiet. (Wow, I sound like a terrible person) I sit in my room for hours studying and working on projects - as a result I'm really not close to any of my roommates. I think if I simplified my life a little bit (I don't know how...) I would have more friends and do more fun things. I would probably be happier in a social aspect but not satisfied academically. It's a tricky situation.

Friday, October 8, 2010

The Shenpa Syndrome...

Shenpa: to get hooked, attached, stuck

This semester I'm taking World Religions. And one principle we've been really focusing on is that of Meditation and peace of mind. In reading an article the other week, we learned about Shenpa. Shenpa is a Tibetan word meaning "attachment". And I think that's a huge part of getting offended. We get hung up on something someone says and blow it all out of proportion a lot of the time. The truth is, we have the complete choice of whether or not we are "Shenpaed" to something someone says or does. You CAN choose. And honestly? Heavenly Father allows these things to happen so we can learn to control our emotions and become better disciples of Christ. Our whole purpose here on earth is to become like Him. I'm sure Christ never allowed himself to get hung up on something offensive that was said to him. He chose to disregard these kinds of matters as unimportant and instead chose to see the good in that person. So in conclusion... don't get "shenpaed".

Below is an excerpt from Pema Chodron - a tibetan teacher:

This is a teaching on a Tibetan word: shenpa. The usual translation of the word shenpa is attachment. If you were to look it up in a Tibetan dictionary, you would find that the definition was attachment. But the word "attachment" absolutely doesn't get at what it is. Dzigar Kongtrul said not to use that translation because it's incomplete, and it doesn't touch the magnitude of shenpa and the effect that it has on us.

If I were translating shenpa it would be very hard to find a word, but I'm going to give you a few. One word might be hooked. How we get hooked.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Supporter of Bad Habits


One thing I can always count on Breanne for, is to be "The Supporter of my Bad Habits". Sound crazy? Well the bad habit is..... ICE CREAM! It's nice to have a friend who doesn't scold you for getting ice cream once a week. So this was our experience tonight.... Me and Breanne were headed to the movie at the Holiday theatre... but when we got there we found out the movie we wanted to go to wasn't there... but at the drive in! So my next words.... "Ice Cream?" Her? "YES!" So without question we we pulled into Dairy Queen 5 minutes later... then a thought came to my mind. Lets go to Craigos and get a Cookie monster! A DELICIOUS soft baked cookie in a pie pan covered with ice cream, whipping cream, chocolate and carmel syrup. Ugh... this one time we agreed... this was a bad decision.... We had stomach aches afterward..... Not just from the overindulgence of sugar, but from the laughing. We always laugh so hard. We will be friends forever. Supporters of each others bad habits.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Stubborn... Well you know...


I learned something today about myself in class... I am terrible at being uncooperative when asked to do so. Sister McKenna pulled me aside before class and asked me to be uncooperative during the group activity. Just be a jerk basically. I couldn't... I think I said one thing and they just looked at me like they couldn't believe I just said that. Yeah... I'm a compliant person - a people pleaser! Yes I can be stubborn... but on my own terms.

Letting it go...



I really appreciated the thoughts that Sister McKenna shared in class the other day. It made me think back on my own life and the struggles I've had. For the most part I've been able to let them go. I won't mention specifics, but lets just say I've been to hell and back. I've been beaten and kicked and seen the bottom of the well. It's taken years to get to the point where I am happy and confident. All these experiences have been for my good. I am a much better, stronger, happier person than I was before. I've just had to let it go. Like a balloon in the sky... let it go and expect to never think of it again.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Sisters forever...


This weekend I got to spend some good quality time with Holly. On Saturday before we went out for my birthday, we got ready together. I kind of felt 8 years old again... It was so much fun though. We did each others hair and helped each other get ready to go out. We were able to talk and listen to each other and what had been going on in life. Sisters forever...

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Birthday


Alright, I'll admit... I'm getting older. This last Saturday I turned the big Two One. And I don't know how I feel about it. I'm glad to be getting older, but with such comes more responsibility. A woo... hoo.... It was a bitter sweet thing.

But one good thing, I had my whole family there. They all were able to come to celebrate this special event with me. And I really appreciate that and feel very loved.

Way Back When, Then, and Now

For my last meaningful experience, I'd like to include one that has been spread over a lifetime. And that is with my siblings. In my patriarchal blessing, it tells me that I have special siblings of whom I love dearly. I am told to cherish them and the experiences I have with them. I have to tell you, it's true and I have. I could not ask for four better best friends. I don't think they know how much I love and appreciate the examples that each of them set for me. I don't think they realize that, as the youngest, how much I look up to each and every one of them. My experience here in this life with them is definitely the most meaningful. So here are a few pictures and I'll share memories that go with each picture.

Way Back When

I am the youngest of the 5. The way youngest. There is a 7 year gap between me and Holly. When we were all home, I remember often we would go on short family trips to Seattle for the weekend or out to dinner at the local mexican restaurant. In this particular picture we are headed out to Tequilas and my mom wanted to get a quick shot of us.

Then

This has to be one of my most favorite family trips. When I was 12, we all went to Hawaii for a week. It had to be the best trip EVER! You can just tell how much we love each other.

Now (Well... a year ago)

This picture is a testimony of how much we love each other and how we are there for the important moments in life. Holly got married a year ago August. We were all able to go and pitch in and help. It was such a beautiful wedding and we all had so much fun.

I love my family so much. I'd be around them all the time if I could. This past weekend was my birthday and I went down to Utah to spend it with my family. Everyone was there. I don't think that's happened since I turned probably 6 years old. I love them and appreciate all they do. They are my #1 meaningful experience.