My Sister...

So this is my sister Holly. Beautiful, gorgeous, amazing. I love her. I want to be a more giving person like her. She is also the person who I am trying to better my communication with. This week I've taken to asking how she's doing every day. I think this shows her better how much I care for and love her. I also wrote her a thank you note (for my birthday) and thanking her for being wonderful. She deserves more than she gives herself credit for.

Wednesday!

This week has been going pretty good. My mood has been pretty stable and I've been able to keep up on my homework very well. And it's WEDNESDAY! Over the hump - two days left. Then WEEKEND! It makes me happy.

Misunderstandings...

It's amazing how often misunderstandings happen in conversations. And it is happening more and more frequently these days because of technology. What ever happened to face to face conversations? Relationships can be seriously damaged because conversations that should have taken place in person ended up happening over instant messaging or even text messaging. The importance of communication is diminishing and misunderstandings because of poor communication are happening more often.

Gossip - the ultimate poison.

Today in class, I mentioned a very personal experience about an extended family member talking behind my back. It was the most horrible and scarring experience in my life. Not just that, but all the events going along with it. It wasn't just her - it was a lot of the ladies in my home ward. I don't think people understand the damage that does to someone's soul. I was broken, for a very long time. And I am still sensitive to the subject. I've worked through it and have learned a lot. Honestly, I still have a hard time forgiving some of those people - especially her. But I think Heavenly Father understands I am doing my best.

Embarrassing moment...

I really should have a shirt with this sign on it. I have a serious tripping hazard. I at least have 3 casualties a semester. And today while walking out of the Spori building, I had my first. It really taught me I shouldn't text and walk down stairs at the same time. I thought I was at the last step, but I wasn't. I completely missed the last step and fell down the stairs. EMBARRASSING! There was a young man behind me saying, "Are you okay? Are you okay?" All I could say was, "It happens all the time." Which is true. I used to be really embarrassed about these kind of things and hang on to them forever. But now I just laugh. Even though my knee is swollen and it hurts to walk, I can laugh at myself.

Making the good count

For the spiritual part of this portfolio, I've been doing journal entries for this part of the portfolio in a separate journal. For me, my relationship with Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father is a very private and personal thing. But I did want to write a little bit of my thoughts on this.

In my life, I've had my own fair share of struggles. Sometimes it seems like more than. But I've also had many many triumphs. And I think no matter what happens in life, we should make the good count for more than the bad, no matter what. (Just a side note, I am surely not always this positive... It's just a good day.)

For me it doesn't matter any more that I didn't go to prom in high school, or that I was talked about behind my back a lot, or even that I really haven't dated that much here at college. It all still hurts, I just try to not let myself get hung up on this. What matters most is that I have a wonderful family, that I get to attend this University, I have parent's that support me in what I do, I get to go to New York City in 29 days, I have the fullness of the gospel in my life, and I have a Savior and Heavenly Father who love me, who are looking out for me, and who want me to succeed.

The truth is, I have everything going for me, and I owe it all to Him. He asks me to do simple things like reading scriptures, saying prayers, serving others, and in turn he gives me great joy. I have faith in Him and want to do what is right. I still struggle every day, and I think I always will. But life isn't about focusing on the bad things, it's about stringing all the little things together and making them count for more than the bad. I pray so hard every day for happiness in my life, and he dearly blesses me with more than I deserve.

Recognizing Emotions

Keep a three-day record of your feelings (this can be in your Portfolio). You can do this by spending a few minutes each evening recalling what emotions you felt during the day, what other people were involved, and the circumstances in which the emotions occurred.

Feeling Diary:

Day One: Feeling pretty good today. It's been rainy so that kind of puts a damper on things. I was able to go to my first meeting for the New York trip today. I'm feeling overwhelmed with school today and I'm frustrated with my roommates. I'd like to blame them but I don't think I can.

Day Two: Feeling better today! I got to see my parents and plus it's Friday! I was able to talk to my sister today and then me and my parent's went to The Social Network. It was a very well done and inspiring movie.

Day Three: Today has been a mildly good day. I woke up this morning and went to the sand dunes to take pictures for my class. I've been working on homework all day and watching tv. Hopefully something more exciting will happen later.

At the end of the three-day period you can understand the role that emotions play in your communication by answering the following questions.

1. How did you recognize the emotions you felt: through physicological stimuli, nonverbal behaviors or cognitive processes?

I think my process is mostly cognitive. I have a lot of stomach flipping whenever I'm upset or really excited. A lot of my internal physical reactions are the same for both situations.

2. What emotions do you have most often? Are they primary or mixed? Mild or intense? Are any of them "debilitative" emotions? Are they based on irrational thinking?

They are mostly mild. I am happy a lot but I don't get really excited. And when I am sad it's usually mildly, but then there are the cases when I am really upset - which results in stomach aches and headaches. I think some of my emotions could be debilitative - usually when I get really upset I just need to sleep it off or do something else to forget about it for a while - like talking to a friend. But I can't do homework usually when I'm upset. Some of them could be based on irrational thinking. I know I overreact sometimes and blow things out of proportion, but I'm getting better.

3. In what circumstances do you or don't you show your feelings? What factors influence your decision to show or not show your feelings? The situation, people, and subject involved? Do you repeatedly use any of the "fallacies" described in the book?

I tend not to want to show emotion at all. When I'm around people I don't trust or don't know, I won't show emotion. But when it's with people I really trust, there are only a select few (don't take it personal) I will tell how I'm feeling and express my frustrations. I think this is mostly with when I am angry about something. Otherwise when I'm excited I'll share it with more people, but again not with everyone. I think the fallacy I use the most is the Fallacy of Perfection. I don't like to show weakness myself and I like to know how to do things right - as should everyone else. I have really high expectations for myself, some of which I know are probably too high, but that's how I get things done. I push myself to the limit and sometimes over the edge.

4. What are the consequences of the type of communicating you described? Are you satisfied with these consequences? If not, what can you do to become more satisfied?

I think people think I am a snob sometimes. I don't talk a lot, I don't express emotion openly, I don't trust easily, and I work hard to get really good grades - those are the facts. I can be open and friendly, but I choose to be quiet. (Wow, I sound like a terrible person) I sit in my room for hours studying and working on projects - as a result I'm really not close to any of my roommates. I think if I simplified my life a little bit (I don't know how...) I would have more friends and do more fun things. I would probably be happier in a social aspect but not satisfied academically. It's a tricky situation.