Class Presentation... oh the irony....

Well, I just wanted to touch on our presentation last Friday and how I thought it went.

First of all I want to say how ironic I thought that our presentation was on technology, and technology was failing us! But luckily by the end we got it worked out and everything went ok.

Overall I thought our presentation went splendidly. I was worried after the presentation center but the class interaction helped a lot.

Conflict - It isn't worth it...

I really enjoyed yesterday's class listening to the different conflicts people have dealt with in the last couple days. It just reaffirmed something in my mind - most arguments aren't worth the breath. That's why I avoid them so often. It may feel good in the moment, but oftentimes you regret it for years to come. When I get into stupid arguments, I replay them in my mind over and over again regretting much of what I said. So basically, what's the point of conflict? A lot of the time nothing is accomplished by it.

Just Walk Away...

Yesterday in class we talked about the different ways that we manage conflict. I was in the avoiders group. My reasoning for being an avoider most of the time is that most argument's aren't worth the breath. For example - over the break we had family pictures taken. And me and my mom were not happy about how they turned out for various reasons. We kept talking about what went wrong and why we thought they didn't do a good job at all. Well, my sister Jenny was right there and I said something in particular and she just snapped at me and bit my head off about it. I said, "Fine, I'll just shut up." And then got up and left. It wasn't worth the argument. I was still mad about it, but it wasn't worth the breath to make it into a huge fight. Sometimes it just best to avoid.

Personal Success and Realization...

(This post is going to be a combination of several things... but please bear with me)

But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction.

My parents came into town last night and after we went to dinner. My dad went back to their hotel and I was able to spend some time with my mom. She did the typical mom thing and took me to the store to get groceries and some Christmas decorations for my pathetically decorated tree. She then took me up and dropped me off on campus so I could work on homework until the buildings closed. We got to talking on the way up about trials people have gone through in their lives. I have to tell you now, my mom has seen me through a lot over the years. I've dealt with a lot of conflict in my life and have been hurt by a lot of people I thought I could trust. My mom has seen me through it all. She's cried with me. She's let me yell when frustrated. But we both came to a realization last night. We are grateful for our trials. And because we have stuck with the Lord and trusted in him, we have become better people and have learned how to handle conflict better.

My mom reminded me last night that I am in a really good place in my life right now. And it's completely true I realized. Usually during each semester I am in conflict with one roommate or the other. I'm usually angry and frustrated and really wound up about life in general. But I've learned, it doesn't hurt anything for me to just stay out of it. I feel like I'm a well liked person and I have a lot of friends. And that makes me feel great about myself! I've learned to cool it and not get so wound up about school. Last Winter was the worst.... you could ask anyone. But this semester I am just as busy, or even more, and I am having a great time. I've taken a chill pill so to speak.

This class has been such a help in making me realize what kind of person I am and what my needs are in order to be happy. My first color is red, and my secondary is white. And I think I'm beginning to find a good balance between the two. I have no problem confronting people about problems. I'm confident when I speak can keep a clear head. But at the same time, I really hate conflict. In my experience. NO GOOD COMES FROM IT!!!! Trust me on that. That's where my white comes into play. I really do treasure a peaceful life. While I can stand up for myself and argue a point, I'd rather not because I know it really won't do anyone any good.

So let me revert back to the scripture... "But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction."

If I had to pick one important lesson that I've learned in my life so far, it would be this. Throughout everything I've been through in the last four years, I've put my trust in him, and my mom for that matter, and have kept with the church. Now, I'm not saying I've been perfect throughout everything. I have soooooo not been. I've made so many mistakes, but what's important is that I've learned from them. But as I look back over this last year especially, I've been so blessed in my life. And I know with out a doubt that's because of how I reacted to the trials in my life. I am grateful for my trials.

Personal Space...

For my assignment while in NYC, Sister McKenna asked me to observe the people of Manhattan and their behaviors. Before I went, I just figured that New Yorkers were snobby, busy people. While they are busy, most of them are definitely not snobby. The fact is, Manhattan is the most highly concentrated location in all of the US. You literally have people living on top of each other. And they do what they can to have some kind of personal space. One thing I noticed is that on the Subway, you're packed in like sardines most of the time. You could be sitting with someone elses gut right in your face! Then once they exit the Subway, they plow down the street hurrying to their next destination and honestly? You better not get in their way. No apologies are made when you bump into each other. It's just what happens. But more than once on our trip. Someone would notice if we were confused about where we were going next. At least one person would stop and offer directions to us poor country folk. And if you asked for directions? Even more than happy to help out. New Yorkers are a fast paced, career driven species. But very willing to help out with anything you may need.

Constant Change

Me and my sibling February 2002

This is going to be a long post...

This last week's topic in class was about relationships. We focused a lot in class about romantic relationships, but I remember reading in the chapter about adapting to inevitable changes in relationships. The strongest relationship that I have and will always have is that with my family. I love them so dearly and can't imagine not being able to talk to them every week. But the fact is, we have gone through a lot of changes these past few years, and this next year... even more. I was talking to my brother Riley the other day about this and everything that is going to happen. So lets list them...

1. This next year is my dad's last year for running our apple and cherry orchards. He is retiring.

2. My parents are putting their house and shop up for sale. Within a year I will no longer be able to sleep in the room I have ever since I was a baby.

3. After living and working in Las Vegas for 7 years, my brother Riley will be moving his family to the Ogden, Utah area because they are investing in and managing a Kneaders sandwich shop.

3. My brother Tyson is also looking into the Kneaders sandwich shop and if this happens for him it will bring his little family out of the desolation they experienced a couple years ago. (Losing his job and relocating to Utah within a month)

4. Me and Riley suspect there will be two new babies coming into our family within the next year - My sister Jenny and her husband and Tyson and his wife.

5. I will be moving to NYC next summer if all goes well next week. Headed on a new adventure that no one in my family has ever attempted before.

Relationships are in constant change and as you can see there will be a lot of things changing this next year. It will be an emotional time especially since my dad is selling our fruit farm after 25 years.

Do you even know my name?

Today in class we took an opinion poll on what to do and what not to do and who should do what in dating. From recent experience I thought of the question... Should someone know your name before they ask you out? hahahhahahahahahha I think the answer should be yes... But if they do it in a charming way... they have the chance to redeem themselves later. Brennan didn't know my name before he asked me out on Friday. And he apologized for it over and over again. I thought it was funny. The date went really well so he made up for it.

Communication Day - Jeff Benedict

I was able to go listen to Jeff Benedict in one of the breakout sessions today. He has done some amazing things and I was really impressed with the magnitude of his success. He brought up some really good points that I’d like to touch on and add my own thoughts.

The first thing he said that really hit me was, “you never know when you’re going to get an opportunity to do something you’ve always wanted…” I think a lot of the success and opportunities in the world are lucky chances, but those lucky chances come about with hard work, effort, and awareness of those lucky chances. If we aren’t looking for the opportunities and taking chances, most likely we will miss them. Brother Benedict really impressed me in when he said that he had no shame in what work he did when he was younger. Don’t be proud, he said. Staple papers, run copies, clean toilets – do whatever you have to do to get where you want to be.

The next point that he brought up was to be grateful that you didn’t get what you so badly wanted then. I know I need to be more grateful for the learning curves life has thrown at me. And I am – I’ve learned a lot and have come a long ways in my short life. But I tend to think on the past and wonder about the things I have missed out on. But I don’t need to – I am an A student at a wonderful university, I have loving and supportive parents, I am working two jobs while here at school, I work contract for the company I interned for this summer, I work on campus in close association to some of the most brilliant minds on campus, I am on a fast track to a great career, I have so many great things to be grateful for – and most are as a result of learning curves in my life.

Brother Benedict also mentioned in his presentation that what we think about and do in our idle time is a predictor of where we will end up in the future. I really need to be more productive with my idle time. I’ve had a lot this week because the workload has been light, but I could be doing other things with my time rather than watching movies… I could be developing my talents in writing, music, art, or even just reading up on the world and becoming more aware of what is going on around me. I could be using my time to develop myself more spiritually by reading the scriptures, or serving others. There is so much more that I could be doing with my idle time.

Jeff Benedict was well worth my time to go listen to his presentation. What he had to say was so inspiring and really made me want to become a more focused, goal oriented individual (I know… more than I already am…) There is so much more I could be doing to make the world a better place and to better myself. There are endless opportunities out there for me, it’s just a matter of being aware.

Nonverbal Communication

Sister McKenna asked us to write in our portfolio about two types of nonverbal communication - more specifically one we are good at and one we aren't so good at.

Friendly

I think in general I am a happy person. I always try to smile and be friendly towards others. (Of course there is always the exception of the really bad days...) I think I'm good at giving friendly smiles and letting people know I'm easy to talk to. I try to have an open posture and not walk around with my arms folded across my chest. I stand up straight and like to look people in the eye. I think this shows someone that you genuinely care and want to talk to them.

Wonder Woman

I think this in particular is a definitely flaw of mine as far as nonverbal communication goes. My friendly behavior doesn't always come across in the way I mean it. I like to be doing at least 3 things at once. Honest to goodness, I'm not lying. I feel like I have to be Wonder Woman. And I think this nonverbal behavior comes across as if I don't care or am "too busy" to talk to someone. But the truth is, I can be watching TV, working on homework, chatting with friends online, and talking to my mom on the phone all at once. (This drives her crazy, as I think it does a lot of people.) I have been trying to slow down my life and focus on one thing at once, but it's still a work in progress.

Personal Space...

Personal space is something that I... sacredly value... Today during class, we were assigned different social rules to blow out of proportion and record peoples reactions. It really is interesting to see how we get protective of our personal space. Me and a couple other girls went over and sat by this kid who was by himself in the crossroads and started talking about midterms. We tried to bring him into the conversation - he gave short answers but he gave us this look that was like.... go away, NOW!

Misunderstandings...

It's amazing how often misunderstandings happen in conversations. And it is happening more and more frequently these days because of technology. What ever happened to face to face conversations? Relationships can be seriously damaged because conversations that should have taken place in person ended up happening over instant messaging or even text messaging. The importance of communication is diminishing and misunderstandings because of poor communication are happening more often.

Gossip - the ultimate poison.

Today in class, I mentioned a very personal experience about an extended family member talking behind my back. It was the most horrible and scarring experience in my life. Not just that, but all the events going along with it. It wasn't just her - it was a lot of the ladies in my home ward. I don't think people understand the damage that does to someone's soul. I was broken, for a very long time. And I am still sensitive to the subject. I've worked through it and have learned a lot. Honestly, I still have a hard time forgiving some of those people - especially her. But I think Heavenly Father understands I am doing my best.

The Shenpa Syndrome...

Shenpa: to get hooked, attached, stuck

This semester I'm taking World Religions. And one principle we've been really focusing on is that of Meditation and peace of mind. In reading an article the other week, we learned about Shenpa. Shenpa is a Tibetan word meaning "attachment". And I think that's a huge part of getting offended. We get hung up on something someone says and blow it all out of proportion a lot of the time. The truth is, we have the complete choice of whether or not we are "Shenpaed" to something someone says or does. You CAN choose. And honestly? Heavenly Father allows these things to happen so we can learn to control our emotions and become better disciples of Christ. Our whole purpose here on earth is to become like Him. I'm sure Christ never allowed himself to get hung up on something offensive that was said to him. He chose to disregard these kinds of matters as unimportant and instead chose to see the good in that person. So in conclusion... don't get "shenpaed".

Below is an excerpt from Pema Chodron - a tibetan teacher:

This is a teaching on a Tibetan word: shenpa. The usual translation of the word shenpa is attachment. If you were to look it up in a Tibetan dictionary, you would find that the definition was attachment. But the word "attachment" absolutely doesn't get at what it is. Dzigar Kongtrul said not to use that translation because it's incomplete, and it doesn't touch the magnitude of shenpa and the effect that it has on us.

If I were translating shenpa it would be very hard to find a word, but I'm going to give you a few. One word might be hooked. How we get hooked.

Stubborn... Well you know...

I learned something today about myself in class... I am terrible at being uncooperative when asked to do so. Sister McKenna pulled me aside before class and asked me to be uncooperative during the group activity. Just be a jerk basically. I couldn't... I think I said one thing and they just looked at me like they couldn't believe I just said that. Yeah... I'm a compliant person - a people pleaser! Yes I can be stubborn... but on my own terms.

Letting it go...

I really appreciated the thoughts that Sister McKenna shared in class the other day. It made me think back on my own life and the struggles I've had. For the most part I've been able to let them go. I won't mention specifics, but lets just say I've been to hell and back. I've been beaten and kicked and seen the bottom of the well. It's taken years to get to the point where I am happy and confident. All these experiences have been for my good. I am a much better, stronger, happier person than I was before. I've just had to let it go. Like a balloon in the sky... let it go and expect to never think of it again.

Perception - Redirect your viewfinder...

Lately in class we have been talking a lot about perception and how we view situations differently. Our perception can be influenced by motives, change, stereotyping, personal experiences, attitudes, and backgrounds. I think the most important thing we can do for ourselves and for others to avoid situations where we might not agree on something is to consider the others viewpoint. So where are we looking in our viewfinder? Probably where we want. But if we change our perspective, we are able to see other situations more clearly and why someone feels the way they do. We may not (and probably don't) understand them completely, but the least we can do is try.

Happiness, Your Heritage

For my talk that inspires me, I chose "Happiness, Your Heritage" by Dieter F Uchtdorf. Just reading the title makes me smile because it states something that is so true. We deserve to be happy as children of God. It is our divine right to live and be happy. We all deserve to be happy as does everyone around us. He says in his talk, "As we lift others, we rise a little higher ourselves." So what does this mean? It means, when you are in the service of your fellow being, you are only in the service of your God. As we serve others and love others, it will buoy up our own self.

President Lorenzo Snow said, "When you find yourselves a little gloomy, look around you and find somebody that is in a worse plight than yourself; go to him and find out what the trouble is, then try to remove it with the wisdom which the Lord bestows upon you; and the first thing you know, your gloom is gone, and you feel light, the Spirit of the Lord is upon you, and everything seems illuminated."

Now this doesn't mean to out and look for people to fix. If you haven't figured this out by know, a lot of people don't like to be fixed, the often are just wanting a friend. So go out, forget yourself, and serve.

5 positives vs. 5 negatives

Today in class, we were discussing self perception and how we feel others perceive us. Someone mentioned that their mom used to make them say 5 nice things about someone when they were being mean to them. That made a memory click...

This last summer I worked for an insurance company that did workshops for schools. I had the opportunity to go observe one where the subject was bullying. I remember them saying that it takes 5 similar negative comments to make someone believe they are something they're really not.

The Comment: "You're Stupid"

1st response: "I'm not stupid you're stupid!"

2nd response: "I don't think I'm stupid..."

3rd response: "Am I stupid?"

4th response: "Maybe I am stupid."

5th response: "He's right, I am stupid"

And these kinds of comments stick with us for the rest of our lives. It's sad - but it does. It just goes to show how careful we need to be in our words to others. Be aware of what you are saying. Speak words of kindness and you will have a great impact on someone's life.